Bob's Blardy Blog = A humorous, rarely serious, take on current news topics or whatever I want to write about.
Bob Simpson writes a nationally award winning newspaper humor column called Hogspore News. Archived columns at www.Hogspore.com.
Contact:
Bob Simpson.
Largo, Florida.
bobsimpson1947@yahoo.com
727-596-3458
Throughout the Old Testament, God has always been
characterized as a vengeful, wrathful, mercurial God. He is the one that commanded Abraham to kill his own son and then changed his mind. God laughed about
that for a 1,000 years. ”You should have seen Abraham’s face. What a chump.”
Recent discovery of a lost scroll shows the
reason that God was such a bastard during these times. He was real mean and
ornery because he was trying to quit Smoting.
The Devil was still living at home in Heaven at
the time. The falling out came later when Beelzebub borrowed God’s fiery
chariot without asking and totaled it in a remote area of what is now Russia.
Old Scratch offered to hypnotize the Lord. “You
are getting sleepy. You no longer feel the need to smite people, Willy Nilly.”
Willy Nilly was a prototype of the first man. He was given free will and then
God took it back. Hypnotism didn’t work because of that omnipotent thing that
was going on.
Once the Lord got a handle on the smiting obsessions,
he became a gentler God and was less likely to drop cascades of bloody
toads on us poor folks down below. You should have seen how mad God became when
he found out that his people were gathering the bloody toads and hickory
smoking the little fellers.
