Total Pageviews

Monday, February 10, 2014

Twenty Clues to a Bad Hospital

Get her a room.
 She has insurance.

Your hospital room looks
nice and the hospital staff
is friendly, but wait …

Here are some clues that
will tell you that you have
a better chance of surviving in your own home:


1.  There are two Life Insurance Vending Machines on each floor.


2.  The best sellers in the Gift shop are the Condolence Cards.


3.  There is a least one doctor in the Emergency Room at all times.


4.  Access to the Bereavement Chapel is by reservation only.


5.  The hospital has a staff of 50 Chaplains.


6.  There is free coffee in the Meditation Classroom.


7.  The Emergency Room has regular business hours.


8.  The cafeteria has a special on Chocolate Pudding in a Bag.


9.  The pathology reports often come back as “Benign, but a bit salty.”


10. The hospital administrator is also the groundskeeper.


11. Frequently heard in the morgue, “Where the heck are we going to put another one?”


12. California hospital blood banks keep a special blood type for valley girls: “O for sure”


13. There is a drive-up window for Vasectomies.


14. The 24-Hour Free Shuttle enthusiastically whisks your recently departed loved one to the funeral home next door.


15. The self service mammogram vending machine in the lobby does not have privacy curtains.


16. The Hospital Fertility Clinic has a sperm bank with an outside night deposit box.


17. The urine sample jars look a lot like the cafeteria’s apple juice bottles.


18. The hospital support group for Recently Widowed Spouses has a waiting list.


19. The circumcision machine is manufactured by As Seen On TV.


20. The new burn treatment center now takes MasterCharred


Disclaimer: If I am admitted to a hospital and the hospital staff has read this blog, then let me say that these were just jokes. I didn’t really mean them. It was just a humorous look at a compassionate and care-giving industry. 


A final warning: I have health insurance and I am not afraid to use it.


Bob Simpson

Bobsimpson1947@yahoo.com


No comments:

Post a Comment

What do you think?