He Might Not Be a Vegetarian

Hey,

 you got any meat back there?

You are a woman pledged to a vegeta-rian

lifestyle. You even walk barefoot on grass, rather than pump across asphalt in leather high heels.

Even your life partner search contains stipulations that he must also embrace the gentle diet that is easy on the stomach, soul, and soil.

But, if you a male vegetarian wondering how to find vegetarian girls, then next time you are cuddling together at home, sipping hot cocoa, and discussing the Tonys, go ahead and ask your mother.

These hints will weed out the Carnivores from the Herbivores, the Hunters from the Gatherers, the Republicans from the Democrats, and the 10-30 weight Men from the coupon-clipping, sensitive bicycle Riders.  

Here are the 20 hints that he might not be a Vegetarian:

1.  He uses Beef flavored Dental Floss.

2.  He watches The Yearling and chuckles when the deer gets it.

3.  All the labels on the canned goods in his kitchen have been removed.

4.  There is a suspicious-looking, locked freezer out on the carport.

5.  He thinks Tofu was a mouse puppet on The Ed Sullivan Show.

6.  There are 3 barbecue grills in his back yard.

7.  He says that the gun rack in his pickup rear window is for his pool cues.

8.  He has a kennel of Beagles in the back yard.

9.  He uses the steak sauce to season baked potatoes.

10. He has a life-long magazine subscription to Meat.

Don't drool when the animals pass by.

11. He can't tuck his shirt in because his appendix is too big.

12. You both pass a meat market and the butcher waves at your date. 

13. He says the bucket of lard in his kitchen is for his skin. 

14. You ask him to poach you an egg and he says, “No way. I’m not gonna steal an egg for you.” 

15. Sonny’s Barbecue is #1 on his phone’s speed dial list.

16. He has a chronic case of Gout.

17. He asks you for the text abbreviation for baby back ribs.

18. He works up an appetite when he watches The Animal Planet Channel.

19. When he eats a vegetarian corn dog, he says, “So this is what meat tastes like.”

20. There is a poster hanging in his bedroom of a side of beef … wearing a teddy.

Bob Simpson

Bobsimpson1947@yahoo.com