Jobs: Improper Interview Answers

My resume' includes carrying big
green leaves and milking Aphids.

You have to have a job ... to get another one. It’s always been easier to obtain employment if you were already employed.

If you are now unemployed, you are likely to stay that way.

Here is a question for all employers: Who will be best employee, an unemployed man with a family and children who is 4 months away from foreclosure or a new employee who just skipped out on his last employer for a few more bucks a month to “work” for you?

Enough of the doom and gloom, your objective is not to find a job. Your entire effort is to obtain the interview. There are dozens of online advice columns to help you prepare for an interview.

But if you DO NOT want to do well in your interview because you have a few more months of unemployment compensation remaining, then feel free to use any of the following interview answers:  

1. Q. Tell me about yourself. 

A. Well, I don't drink nearly as much as I used to.

2. Q. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 
 A. Kissing your wife goodbye, just before you get home from golf.

3. Q. What’s your biggest weakness?    A. I can’t shoot real straight when I get angry.

4. Q. Describe a specific example when you saved money for your company.  A. An old lady fell in our store and I told the judge that I didn’t see it.

5. Q. Have you ever stolen from an employer?  A. So far, no boss has ever caught me.

6. Q. Why are you looking for a job?  A. It’s part of the requirements to keep getting unemployment checks.

7. Q. What are you looking for?  A. A job with disability insurance for my bad back.

8. Q. Why should I hire you for this position?  A. Why should I answer that if you don’t even know either?

9. Q. How do you feel about working long hours and on weekends?  A. It’s okay with me as long as it doesn’t interfere with my court-ordered community service.

10. Q. Do you have any questions?     A. Yeah, where’s the can?

If you didn’t realize that Q stands for Question and A stands for Answer, then please disregard the advice … although you may want to think about working for Yahoo.com.

Bob Simpson

Bobsimpson1947@yahoo.com