First Day at Trade School

My uncle works part-time
at the lantern factory
 ... just on wick ends.

Many Americans are considering new careers or just transitioning into abject poverty. The best selling book this year is Welfare for Dummies. 

These are the conversations heard throughout the USA on the first day of class in Trade, Technology, or Vocational schools.

See what students are saying in Embalming or Sky Diving class. The entrance applications are stringent: Your check must clear the bank before you can start class.

Notice the advertisements that pop up around this article. Are there some vocational schools advertised? I thought so. You can train to be an x-ray tactician or maybe just look like one.

Trade School Class. You and I will observe the first day in class. We’ll kneel beneath the window to record these precious first day comments emanating from our modern vocational universities.

Tech school students are a special breed. Some are just out of high school and some never finished. They are there because Mommy and Daddy can’t afford college costs or, more likely, their aging dependent was Gifted Challenged.

Adults also make up a section of the student body. Some have been laid off from work and some are just worried that they’re going to be laid off next. A few have quit before daily frustrations made them dispatch their manager. One or two have actually shot their bosses and have some time to kill before their trials starts.

Tech school students once included many spiritual adventurers in search of something meaningful for their essence to bathe in, seeking some sort of Epsom Salts Soak for the Soul. These early searchers have not been seen since the 1980’s when the seminars finally ended on finding yourself.

By the 1990’s everyone had found themselves and returned home to check on their marriages.

Now pay attention, you may get a quiz on this. Let’s get started on our field trip. The following are what you hear on the first day of class: 

Embalming School:  Hey, this guy is dead!

Massage Therapy School: No, No, No. We don’t ever touch there!

Knife Sharpening School: OW!

Academy for Hearing Impaired Cadets: WE CAN’T HEAR YOU.

Juggling School: I’m sorry but you’re in the wrong room. The accounting class is next door.

Travel Agency School: Is Canada a state?

Manicurist School: You in the back row. We don’t use our teeth to trim toenails.

Air Traffic Controller School: Don’t be so hard on yourself. Cessna’s don’t count.

Brick Wall Construction School: These instructions are just guidelines; nothing is set in stone.

Cigar Making School: Monica Lewinsky, we don’t need your kind in here.

Document Control School: Today our special surprise guest speaker is Oliver North.

Lab Mice Breeding School: Now where did I leave that Minnie Mouse centerfold?

Cooking School: Most of you wouldn’t be here, if you didn’t have a burning desire to cook.

Prisoner Interrogation School:  Please. No cameras, Mr. Cheney.

Sky Diving School: Please leave your book bags and back packs at home. We don’t want another mistake like that to ever happen again.

Thank you for your participation today. Please put your pencils down. This delightful blog is over.

Bob Simpson

Bobsimpson1947@yahoo.com