It's Time for a New Computer

If you are searching for 

I built this computer and now it just fired me.

serious answers and you are frustrated because your computer is trying to kill you, please look elsewhere. Thanks for stopping by. 

I hope you get your problems resolved before you have a stroke and your relatives gather in the hall to discuss possible loopholes in your will. 

If none of the above applies, then read on:

"Would you like to purchase the extended 2-year warranty for your new laptop computer?

There are only two answers to the question. If you are under age 50, your answer is, “No thank you. The state of the art computer that I am now buying will be obsolete after one year.”

If you are over age 50, your answer is: “No thank you. The state of the art computer that I am now buying will be obsolete after one year.”

I know. I know. The second answer is the same but you have the option to add the zinger, “I’ll have to check with my doctor first.”

You may, however, want to buy an extended warranty on the carrying case. The next laptop computer that you will have to buy next year will probably fit in the same carrying case.

There are always hints that something bad is going to happen: Cats leave the house before an earthquake. Strange looking bugs that you have never seen before start crawling up the outside walls of your house before a hurricane.

Your car lags a second when it starts, and then the battery dies 3 days later. Your husband is now using his manicure set that he received as a gift 7 years ago to keep his nails trimmed. He is taking guitar lessons and he will buy you a very expensive birthday present … the week before he leaves you.

If your husband fits the above description, it may just be a coincidence. My advice is to trust him completely … but get an attorney … NOW.

I lost my point somewhere back in the last 2 paragraphs. Ah, here is the point again: There will be several hints before your computer fails. Here are the top 11 warning signs that it's time to buy a new computer:

1. The pull-start rope just broke

2. Every time you sign on to your old Commodore computer, Lionel Ritchie’s cell phone rings.

3. Are you thinking about upgrading to Windows Vista?

4. Are your IBM punch cards still on back-order?

5. You just got a pop-up window with an opportunity to download the latest new virus.

6. Warning: You do not have enough remaining memory to play “Pong.”

7. The kitchen is warm on cold mornings from the CRT monitor.

8. You have discovered a web site that will let you store all your children’s pictures for free.

9. A witch looking a lot like Steve Jobs in a black dress dropped by your front door offering you a free shiny apple. Too soon?

10. Did you think that the pills you bought on the Internet would help with a floppy disk problem?

11. Are the elderly library volunteers searching in closets and drawers because they lost their server?

Bob Simpson

Bobsimpson1947@yahoo.com