Senior Pick-Up Lines

What's a short name for Rhinoceros?
 How the heck do Iknow

We start to compromise the second we are born. Once we pry ourselves out of the womb, we can’t breathe through our gill slits anymore.

We compromise and give some air a try. Then we don’t make another concession to anyone for the next 2 years.

As unemployed workers or paycheck to paycheck families, we compromise: health insurance premiums or groceries?

In this instance the American Organization of Really Swell Health Insurance Companies has rescued us from this choice so that we can afford health insurance premiums AND food. Please contact them for their brochure, 101 Tasty Ways to Prepare Generic Cat Food.

Even the administrator of a Prostate Radiation Seed Implantation Facility recently fired their most popular nurse … because her ears glowed in the dark.

Throughout the rest of our lives, we have difficult choices to make and begin to lower our standards. When we are finally and fully compromised, we get to eat cornbread and real butter with Jesus, or sign on with Old Scratch for some eternal treading in the lake of fire (bring your asbestos floatie), or ___________ insert in the blank where you think you might be going after you have been voted off the island.

So if you can remember where you left your reading glasses and you have adjusted, (lowered), your standards accordingly, please consider these Senior Pick-Up Lines:

1. “Is that your Depends or are you just happy to see me?”

2. “Wanna see what the Prostate Fairy left me?”

3. “Come see me tonight. I’m in room uh, let’s see now, hmmm.”

4. “Don’t worry baby, I can cover that annual Medicare Part B deductible for you.”

5. “Hey fella, let’s see what you can do with that hand tremor.”

6. “You’ve got the body of Lillie Langtry/"

7. “I’d like to take you to a movie if I can find some place to cash these War Bonds." 

8. “I’ll show you my prostate scan if you’ll show me your mammogram.”

 9. “Hello beautiful. You look familiar.”     

      “Yeah, I’m your daughter.”

10. Would you care to share an Oxygen tank?”

11. “Your hospital bed or mine?”

12. “I could gaze into your cataracts all night.”

13. “So what happens if I do buy 300 boxes of those Girl Scout Cookies?"

14. “You look like a young Mary Pickford. 

15. “Would you like to give those new hip replacements a test drive?”

16. “I can hook up my pacemaker to a 12 volt car battery and show you a real good time.”

17. “Can I get your granddaughter’s phone number?”

18. “Drop by my room and I’ll show you my Sweet N Low packet collection.”

19. “Can I buy you a bolus for your feeding tube?”

20. “Let’s get a hotel room and put the DO NOT RESUSCITATE sign on the door.”

BobSimpson1947@yahoo.com