Total Pageviews

Sunday, January 26, 2014

It’s Time to Retire When …

Please Report
To Human Resources

Saturday and Sunday
AM Radio: You will find 350 retirement advice shows.

What they never discuss are the subtle hints that you will receive when it is time to punch out for the last time.

Punching out for the last time can mean turning in your time card or actually punching out your boss.


Either way, it’s time to retire when:

 
1. You can remember the day FDR died.
 

2. A younger, much better looking person is sitting at your desk on Monday morning … and smiling.
 
3. There is no more room in your home kitchen cabinets for Sweet N Low packets taken from the office break room.
 

4. The print font called Helvetia reminds you of an aged cheese or a well-developed wench during the World War II French underground movement. Both
make a fine spread.

 
5. The thermostat is permanently set at 85 degrees.
 


6. Your high school has cancelled any future reunions for your graduating class.


High School Yearbook
Most Likely To Rust

7. Your real estate agent keeps showing you Assisted Living Facilities.

 
8. Your 40-year-old granddaughter starts sassing you.
 

9. You’re intrigued over a special pair of shoes because one of the shoes is specifically designed for standing-in-the-grave.
 

10. Your supervisor won’t let you use a walker on the construction site.
 


11. Your Facebook page advertises Walk-in Bathtubs ads.
 


12. When Erectile Dysfunction commercials play on TV, your only comment is, “Hmmmmmm?”
 


Your Former Lovers

13. You can’t watch Wheel of Fortune without a pudding cup. 


14. Your preacher gives his sermons in stretch pants.
 

15. When a friend mentions menopause, you say, “Been there. Done that.”
 

16. Don’t forget to read the fine print on contracts. Never mind, everything is in fine print.
 

17. The office has added a separate phone extension for you in the restroom.
 

18. You can’t get your hair cut because you can’t find a Beauty Parlor.
 

19. You think Ol Uncle Joe on Petticoat Junction was Hot.                              

He's Moving Kinda Slow


And Finally, It's Time To Retire When ...


20. You would Still DO Betty White.



Wouldn't you like to receive the new posts in your own 
e-mail account? I promise I won't rent or sell your e-mail address because I don't know how to do that.

This is not a lifetime commitment. You can cancel any time. There is no charge.

It's just that I want to show my mother-in-law the number of sane folks that read this blog. Actually, you really don't even have to be sane. 


Send new posts directly to my E-Mail inbox.


See author's nationally award winning 
weekly newspaper humor column