Today is Your Birthday

Happy Birthday to ya.      

First sign that the island
was not deserted.

Some Native Americans count their age by the number of moons as in "Dances with Clouds is 520 moons but she does not look a day over 390 moons."

In some parts of Mongolia, girls begin their age from the number of moons since their conception. Boys begin their age from the date of birth. So one moon after birth, the girl is about 10 moons old and the boy is one moon old.

In certain regions in China when the newborn arrives, he or she is already one year old. Every passing Lunar year adds another year to their age. Do they sing Happy Lunar New Year to You? 

If the new Lunar year arrived one month after birth, it would be possible to have a 2 year old that is actually only one month old.

Next we must address the strange theory that there is such a thing as a dog year. Supposedly one year in human terms equals 7 years in a dog’s life.

Ask a real dog lover how old his dog is. “I got him when he was a puppy about 12 years ago so old Duke here is 84 years old." 

How many of you just calculated 12 times 7 to make certain that old Duke really was 84?

We are asked to believe that our dog experiences 7 sunrises and 7 sunsets during one of our human days. Apparently, only dogs and some Hawaiian Tropic tanning girls are able to see these 7 sunrises and sunsets each day.

If a Galapagos Land Tortoise can live for 193 years, then he probably won’t even start dating until he is 40-years old, although a precocious tortoise may come out of his shell early to start a family.

This is a short essay by design since it’s your birthday. There are many well-wishers to interact with today along with some cake and ice cream and, hopefully, a special late night private birthday gift.

If you are still in elementary school or you are a precocious 42 year-old reading dog, the late night gift means you get to stay up late to watch Sponge Bob. 

Remember. 

You are not getting older; you are aging like fine wine and cheese. That means that the day after your birthday you will be hung over and constipated.

Bob Simpson

Bobsimpson1947@yahoo.com